Just a forewarning, this blog is like a decent amount of my other ones. About my insecurities, my flaws, and my fears. So if you are tired of reading those, now is the time to stop reading. Just saying.
If you are still reading this, thanks. It means a lot. :) Now, I am not fishing for compliments with this blog, I am simply trying to explain how I feel. So here goes.
I have been having this problem the last week or so, a problem with my confidence. At times I am on top of the world, but at others I am low down in the dumps. I have switched my profile picture on all of my social media sites at least 7 times over the last about 2 days.
I do not like how I look, I repeat; I DO NOT LIKE HOW I LOOK. I am huge, do not try to tell me I am not. That is honestly the one thing I do not like about myself. I mean, the rest of me, I love. My eyes, my smile, my hair? All amazing. Those are things that I once hated about myself. I just wish that I knew how I came to love those things about me, because if I could get over hating my body, I could get over anything.
Most of my feelings about my looks come from my past. Once you experience something for so long, it becomes natural. Like that time sophomore year when a close friend saw me with make-up on and told me that I looked like they put make-up on a pig. I have hated the stuff ever since. I am just so glad I do not need it. (Like I said though, that is just one example. If you do not know what I am talking about, read the blog about how to thank people with southern hospitality.)
If I could just learn to love myself, I could let people in so much easier. I feel so bad when I meet new people and I am so closed off from them. They desrve a person who is not so hard to get to know, because trust me, it takes so much time with me. These walls I have built are so thick, I am just constantly praying they will come down eventually. If you are new in my life, DO NOT give up trying to get to know me, the more I learn to trust you, the more my walls start coming down. (Trust me.) I mean, how can I expect anyone to truly love me, if I cannot show them the real me?
Anyways, I think I am done ranting for tonight. The point I am trying make is that if I am annoying you with all of the changing of my profile pictures, it may be time for you to unfriend me. I sincerely apologize if it is annoying. Bear with me. I am trying.
