Now for the topic of this blog: beauty. There are times when I feel beautiful, it's more often that I don't. Beauty these days equals stick thin, caked on make up, and someone who is just overall attractive. I am not beautiful if you judge by society's standard. Because of society I am rather insecure, I laugh to hide the pain, I cry alone, I look at myself in the mirror and wonder what is wrong with me.
I am happiest when I am with my friends. When I'm with them, it's almost like my weight or looks don't matter. They do though, sometimes I look around at the beautiful people that God placed in my life here, and my insecurities shine right through. Only to myself though, I never want to burden anyone with my feelings. I wish there were more words to explain what I am trying to say. One of the things I do know for sure is that my friends make me beautiful. They are amazing people of God and they radiate kindness and love.
It is so hard being a girl. I never thought I'd be the type of girl to say that, but I am. The two best features about me are my smile and my eyes, and those are pretty much the only two things I love about myself. My hair? Yeah, on a good day. The best thing about being me is that I try my best not to care what people think about me. I don't like getting all dressy (unless I am going on a date which hasn't happened in an entire 23 years). I LOVE sports and don't care what people think about my reactions to them. Shoot, before this year, I hardly ever did my hair for school. I laugh way too much and rather obnoxiously (it makes life fun); I also smile almost all the time, you will hardly ever see me without a smile. More people need to learn that beauty is what is on the inside. That goes for both genders because there are some amazing guys out there that ladies are friend-zoning.
By God's standard, I am beautiful and it shouldn't matter what anyone else says. He made me just the way I am. I know that He will bring the right man into my life and he will think I am beautiful. Until then I get to see all the happy couples getting engaged. Within a 20 minute span tonight I saw (on Facebook) 3 couples who got engaged, and those are just the ones who put it on there. The most difficult thing for me to do is to let go and work by God's timetable.
I feel that with Valentines Day being tomorrow, it has brought this to the forefront of my mind. This is one thing that I will probably recount on most of my posts. Being a single 23 year-old, it isn't easy to be at school where pretty much everyone is in a relationship. One of these days I will have my first valentine, but not knowing when? That's a bit of torture for me. One thing I have trouble with is not having control over certain situations. I picked that up from my bullying days, I tend to keep people at arms length, to protect myself and my heart. I'm already a broken person and I fear that if I were to let someone in and they broke my heart, it would just shatter me (more than I already am.)
So happy Singles Awareness Day (or Valentines Day for those who have dates) y'all. And go tell someone they're beautiful today. :)
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